


Burning Out

by attheendoftheworld



Series: Bridges [2]
Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Cussing, Enemies to Friends, Higgs still needs a hug, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Other, Sam needs a hug too, Slight mentions of blood, but it's complicated, i still want them to be friends, takes place after the events of the game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:00:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23530471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/attheendoftheworld/pseuds/attheendoftheworld
Summary: "He deserves no pity.But what does it say about Sam if he has no compassion left for another human being? Even for the most despicable ones. Isn't that what separates humans from animals? Sure, Sam never gave a shit about the UCA. But he gives a shit about people. Even if they don't deserve it. Sam knows he's probably going to regret this."Sam runs into Higgs. Again. But this time it's Higgs who needs little help.
Relationships: Sam Porter Bridges & Higgs Monaghan
Series: Bridges [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1690624
Comments: 3
Kudos: 69





	Burning Out

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read this! This is part II/III.  
> Again, English isn't my first language, sorry for any mistakes!

Just a little closer now.

He has spent the last few hours watching the MULE's camp, memorizing their patterns as they patrol their borders. He's so close now.The postbox sits right in the middle of their camp and stored right in there is the stolen package Sam has to obtain. A breeze picks up and rustles through the tall grass. Sam ducks down a little more.

If he gets this job done fast, he can pick up Lou on his way back and they could be home before it's dark. She is currently with Christine, the nice, elderly lady who lives in a shelter not too far from his own. What started out as a deal between two strangers ( _you look after her - I'll deliver to you_ ) has turned into a friendship. She enjoys having Lou around and Lou likes her. They all benefit from their arrangement.

There's only three guys left in the camp now. Two of them will leave the camp any minute now. It's time for them to supersede the MULES on the North border. Sam will give them a few minutes of head start before he'll silently knock out the remaining guard. He'll be long gone before they know what hit 'em.

The two MULES are getting on their way. Any minute now…

A twig snaps ever so quietly 30 feet away from Sam. He barely has time to turn his head before he sees something (or rather, someone) quickly pass him by in the corner of his eyes.

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

The attacker has the surprise effect on his side, as he knocks down the nearest of the MULES with a hard punch. Not bad, but he's clearly not cut out for stealth. He seems to realize the flaw in his plan when the other two MULES return upon hearing the angry screams of their comrade. The idiot has apparently not thought about how to deal with them.

Sam hesitates to get involved. Guy has brought this upon himself. And he seems to be doing okay so far, dodging most hits and he probably won't need help from -

"Fuck!"

Sam can't see exactly what happened from his hiding spot, but the painful exclaim is enough to get him going. 

The MULES are too distracted with finishing up the intruder to even notice Sam. A well placed strand, quickly wrapped around guy number One sends him to the ground. Contestant number two wins a lovely afternoon nap when Sam swings a cargo container at him with full force. Judging from the wonderful sound it makes as it hits the enemies head it was filled with some metal tools. 

"You out of your fucking mind?" Sam snaps at the Porter who's still lying on the ground, face down. He's probably stunned by the electric shocks of the MULES' weapons and judging by his heavy panting he seems to be in pain. Sam is too angry to feel sorry for him. He turns around to tie up the other MULE as well. Better safe than sorry. "You're lucky they didn't sound the alarm!" Fucking rookies these days. This could have ended bad. For Porter-Dude and himself.

"Sam…?"

 _Fuck_.

Sam snaps around as quickly as possible, but Higgs is already reaching for the gun he's got strapped to his leg. He's fiddling with the straps for a second too long, his fingers still shaky from the electricity, and Sam does the only thing that comes to his mind; he leaps forward and pins Higgs to the ground, his legs diggings into his back, his left hand pushing down hard on Higgs' shoulder. While he tries to keep Higgs down with all his weight, his right hand tries to grab the gun from him.

Higgs winces, but continues to struggle to free himself. _Fucking asshole._

"Let go!" Sam hisses. Putting more pressure on Higgs' shoulder, as he yanks at the gun to try and rip it from Higgs' hands. 

Higgs cries out all of a sudden, making Sam almost jump back. He whines as he lets the gun go.

"Okay, okay...!"

Sam picks the gun up and tosses it as far in the open field as possible. Meanwhile Higgs breathing has turned into a shaky sobbing.

Sam doesn't feel very sorry for him. Serves him right.

"Fucking asshole." Sam growls.

"Yeah." Higgs' chuckles, but it comes out a little weak. "Like you wouldn't have done the same, Sammy."

Sam can't say he wouldn't have. But Higgs is still an asshole. And assholes better stay tied up. Better safe than sorry, right?

Sam reaches for the rope he carries with him, then goes on to grab Higgs' right hand first. Holding it in place, he reaches for his left. That's when he sees it. A big, red blotch, warm and wet under Sam's palm. Blood.

"Shit." he mumbles.

There's a deep cut, right where Sam unknowingly put his hand and it's bleeding heavily. Thick streams of blood are seeping into his uniform. It's already soaked and the blood is still flowing. Must have been one of the MULES harpoons. It explains why Higgs gave up so fast when Sam put pressure on his shoulder.

Sam is no doctor by any means but he's seen his fair share of wounds (most of them on his own body, thank you very much) and he knows how much blood somebody can afford to loose.

"You gonna need a doctor."

Higgs just laughs. Sam wonders if there's anything this guy can't laugh at. "Yeah, no shit. Guess I'll just walk to the nearest city and let the UCA take care of it. Bet they'll be _real_ happy to see me."

He's right. And at this point, Sam could just walk away. I'd be easy. Take that package he's supposed to deliver and fuck off. Who cares about Higgs? He deserves it.

"You're gonna bleed out." Sam says as a matter of fact.

Higgs turns halfway around to face Sam. He tries to look indifferent, but it's not quite convincing.

"Not my first time, right? Go grab me that gun, if you wanna show some mercy, Bridges."

_He deserves no pity._

_He's the enemy._

_He deserves no pity._

But what does it say about Sam if he has no compassion left for another human being? Even for the most despicable ones. Isn't that what separates humans from animals? Sure, Sam never gave a shit about the UCA. But he gives a shit about people. Even if they don't deserve it. Sam knows he's probably going to regret this.

"Come on." It takes all of his willpower to reach out and offer his hand to Higgs. It's almost funny how Higgs, for once, looks absolutely stunned.

"You wanna deliver me to the UCA you better get that gun and shoot me. I ain't going nowhere." He hisses. 

"Not getting you to the UCA."

Sam tries to remain calm, even though this is a fucked up situation, but it's hard when Higgs just continues to stare at him, that provoking look still on his face. Sam has no time for this bullshit.

"Fine. Have fun dying then." Sam turns around to leave. He did what he could. It was a stupid idea anyway. Fuck Higgs. He gets what he deserves. Why bother?

He doesn't get very far.

"Sam."

Sam bites his tongue as he returns.

Higgs struggles to get up on his feet, but when Sam tries to grab his arm to help him Higgs roughly shrugs him off. "I can… get up on my own." Higgs hisses through pressed teeth.

"Fine. Let's go then."

They get on their way, not without Sam grabbing the targeted cargo from the postbox first, and not without an argument about whether or not Higgs needs to be tied up. (Sam insists; Higgs politely declines. Eventually Sam proves to have the better arguments when he pulls out the small gun he carries with him.) But at last, they finally get going.

It's a silent march. Higgs walks a few feet behind him. Every now and then Sam turns around to make sure he's still there. 

"You better not try to fuck me over, Bridges."

"So I'm _Bridges_ now, huh? What happened to Sam?"

If looks could kill Sam would drop dead instantly.

* * *

After a while Higgs' breathing noticeably starts to get heavier and that worries Sam. A lot. He has no idea what to do if Higgs decides to pass out; he certainly can't carry him around. 

"Where you takin' me, Sammy boy?" Higgs tries to hide it, but his voice sounds tense; Sam assumes he's under a lot of pain by now and starting to noticing the blood loss.

"Not far anymore."

"You always that precise? Where are you taking me, Sam? What... _magical place_ are we heading to?"

Sam realizes there's no need to beat around the bush any further. Better get it over with.

"My home. I got bandages and medicine there."

There's a short break before Higgs starts laughing like that's the best damn joke he's ever heard. "You really are something, Sammy." he sights.

Sam's shelter is small, but neat. Over the years he has collected everything he needs; a comfy sofa and armchair, a few books (Sam's not that much into books to be honest), a DVD player - a machine that allows him to watch pre-stranding movies, some board games... What used to be be a prepper shelter has become a home to him. And now he's got his first guest.

"Sit " Sam orders while pointing at the brown leather sofa. It's old and a little worn out but Sam likes it that way. It's not made of plastic like a lot of today's furniture is; this was made to last. 

Higgs, who has been eyeing Sam's home like a stray dog who's never been inside a house before, sits down reluctantly. His eyes are darting back and forth, apparently waiting for Bridges Guards to burst out of Sam's storage closet to arrest him.

Sam heads to the bathroom and quickly grabs everything he needs. He catches his reflection in the mirror and it occurs to him just how bizarre this whole situation is. 5 years ago they tried to kill each other; now Higgs is sitting in his living room, leaving blood stains on his sofa. Sam shakes off the thought. It's better not to think about it now. Probably better not to think about it at all. 

Sam returns to the living room where the smell of iron is starting to fill the air. It's disgusting. Higgs is still there, head now resting in his hands. When he hears Sam he looks up.

"Ready to see me now, Doc?" He tries to maintain a mocking grin, but he looks awfully pale. As Sam removes the rope around his wrists, he can't help but notice how cold his skin feels. _L_ _ike a fucking corpse._

 _C'mon Sam. This is ridiculous. You can do this._

Ever since he returned from Amelie's beach, Sam has overcome his fear of being touched. He's still not really _used_ to it, but he feels okay with it. He's fine with a handshake, hell, even a hug, if it's coming from a friend. The thought of touching Higgs however twists his insides.

Heartman once showed Sam an old movie where a man tried to help a badly wounded dog. The animal however, instead of showing gratefulness, had turned around and mauled the Good Samaritan. It had been a horrible scene and Sam had felt nauseous afterwards. The picture of the bleeding man involuntary pops up in Sam's mind.

_No turning back now. You can do this._

Sam's hesitation doesn't go unnoticed by Higgs. He grins. "Aphenphosmphobia? Was that right?" He drawls out the word, he enjoys making fun of Sam's fears. _Sadistic asshole._ "You gonna leave me hanging now, Bridges? After dragging me all the way up here?"

_You can do this._

"Shut up. Let's just get it over with..." Sam grumbles.

Eyebrows raised, that stupid grin still plastered on his face, Higgs shrugs and takes off the blood-soaked piece of cloth that used to be a shirt.

It looks bad. Really bad. The cut is deep and still hasn't stopped bleeding. 

Higgs remains still (and Sam is thankful for that) while Sam examinates the wound. That is until Sam presses a compress against it to try and stop the bleeding. Higgs inhales sharply. It doesn't take long before the compress is completely soaked.

"You're gonna need stitches."

"I'm gonna need _shit_ , Bridges." Higgs hisses.

_Stubborn bastard._

"Go ahead, bleed out then. I don't care." The silence in the room gets tense, but it seems to work; Higgs doesn't protest any further. 

Sam has a lot of different wounds from falling and slipping and has, as most Porters, at some point learned basic skills to patch up a wound. He ignores the whining and wincing as he cleans the cut with disinfectant. Then he takes out the surgical needle.

Higgs flinches and groans with every stitch.

"God damn it, Sam! You fucking -!"

"Shut up. I'm almost done."

"God, why couldn't you just...mmh!" he winces as Sam puts another stitch through his skin. "...just let me _fucking_ die."

Sam rolls his eyes. _Dramatic bastard._ Nobody in their right mind would choose a trip to the seam over a few stitches. But then again… Higgs isn't exactly in his right mind after all, is he?

It takes a lot of patience from Sam and a lot of cussing from Higgs, but eventually the bleeding stops. Sam covers the suture with a clean bandage. Not pretty, but it'll last.

While he starts cleaning up the bloody mess that is this improvised ER Higgs grabs his bloody shirt and puts it back on. He shows his widest grin when he looks up: "Sam. Been a real pleasure. My uttermost gratitude for your excellent job in patching little ol' me back up." He takes a little bow. "Now, I wouldn't want to steal any more of your precious time. I'll see myself out."

Despite his eloquent speech and the smug grin, Higgs barely manages to lift himself up. His movements are uncertain, waverly and slow. Sam takes a step towards him, blocking his way out.

Higgs threateningly lowers his voice. "Date night ends here, Sam."

Sam shakes his head. "You can barely stand up. You get caught by MULES like that that's it. You need a transfusion."

Sam tries to pushes him back down by the shoulder, but Higgs roughly shoves his hand away.

"What do you care? Move before I'm doing something we'd both regret." There's nothing playful left in his voice. Sam has to admit, he's impressed by Higgs stubbornness. He hardly manages to stand up straight, but there's no sign of fear in his eyes as he stares down on Sam. there's no doubt: he's going to fight, if he has to. 

"I don't have contact to the UCA." Sam says calmly. He points at his blank wrist where his cufflink used to be. "If that's what you worry about. I don't work with 'em anymore, I can't call 'em. You fear being caught? Well, me too."

Sam can see the gears grinding in Higgs' mind, trying to decide what to do, before, finally, his body makes the decision for him. He wavers. With his his eyes pressed shut he slowly lets himself sink back down between the sofa pillows. Sam hurrys to fetch a blood bag.

Higgs watches closely as Sam gets the transfusion ready. He's kneading the blood bag in his hands and eyes it sceptically. 

"Higgs." Sam gives him an annoyed look as he takes the bag out of Higgs' hands and hangs it up on the IV pole. He grabs the cannula.

"Ready?"

Higgs furrows his brows. "Careful, Sammy." 

Sam huffs. "Didn't take you for the fragile type."

"Well, you'd be surprised."

"Aight. Whatever. Don't move."

Despite his best efforts to concentrate on his tasks to hook up Higgs to the IV, Sam can't help but notice the scar. It's too big, too red to be overseen. A harsh contrast to Higgs' otherwise pale skin. Sam knows it's rude to stare; he hates it when people do it to him, hates it when they stare at the handprints on his body, like he's an exotic animal. But he can't help himself; while he gets ready to place the cannula, he takes another quick look. The line traces straight up all the way from Higgs' wrist almost up to his elbow. He wonders what...

"You done staring?" Higgs says quietly as Sam finally pushes the needle into his skin. The transfusion starts running.

Sam's face instantly starts burning.

"Sorry."

Higgs absently runs his finger over the scar, almost as if it was just ink that will eventually come off, if only he scrubbs hard enough. "Was a test you know. Wanted to see if I could come back after... You know I've always wondered how many of us are out there… people who don't know what they are. Who know nothing about their true nature."

Out of his fucking mind. Sam doesn't know if it's chiral poisoning or if Higgs has always been a nutjob, but... There's something in his eyes, in his tone, something like religious fanaticism and it sends shivers down Sam's spine..

_True nature._

If it was up to Sam, he'd give up being a Repatriot any time. People seem to mistake coming back from death for not dying at all, but it's not like that. Not at all. The seam is… a strange place. Cold. Dark. Scary. 

"Tell me Sam, how does it feel to die?"

Sam huffs.

"Feels like shit. You off all people should know." _What kind of fucked up question is that?_ Even though Sam snaps at him, Higgs' tone remains calm as he continues.

"Hmm. You know most folks think people like us don't value life. Here's unlimited lives, now go and save the princess!"

Sam nods even though he has no idea what Higgs is talking about.

"But it's not like that. Right? Now, they'd understand if they had seen the seam, like you and me. That fucking place." 

Higgs turns his head away from him.

"Well, still might have been better than getting tortured by you."

"Could have let you die." Sam mutters.

" Could. But you didn't."

"No. I didn't."

"And why not? Why go through so much trouble just to save _me_? I know we've had our moments, Sam, but I wouldn't exactly call us best buddies."

"You saved me, too."

Higgs shakes his head.

"No. I only payed back my debt."

The last light of the day is falling through the small window, painting a pattern of golden stripes on the livingroom floor. Today was a nice sunny day, no clouds, no rain. Doesn't happen too often. On days like these Sam usually enjoys watching the sunset when he gets the chance. He has a perfect view of the mountains from his little hill. It's a beautiful scenery.

"Don't know. Maybe I thought there was already enough suffering in this world."

Higgs chuckles.

"What?"

He looks at him with tired eyes. "Should've just let me end all the suffering, like I tried to."

"No. That's not the way."

"You and your altruistic bullshit." his words might be harsh, but his face suddenly becomes much softer and for a moment Sam sees the man Higgs used to be. The Porter who brought medicine to old people. The Partner Fragile put her trust in.

"Oh, Sam… still stupid enough to care about people, huh?" He sights. "Yeah. That's what Amelie liked so much about you."

Sam's heart stumbles for a second.

 _Amelie_.

He tends to forget that his sister, while keeping her connection to Sam, at the same time also build one with Higgs. Amelie while trying to save the world, simultaneously tried to bring the last extinction. While Sam tried to connect the world, Higgs tried to tear it apart.

Sam lets his head rest against the wall. The cold sensation feels good. Thinking about Amelie hurts.

The sun goes down and the room turns darker now. Higgs breathing is slow and steady and Sam feels a crushing wave of exhaustion roll over him. It lays heavy on his heart and dyes his thoughts grey and blue.

Thinking about Amelie will always hurt, for the rest of his life. It's something that Sam has to accept, that he has to carry with him until the end of his days. He briefly wonders what Higgs feels when he thinks of her. Rage? Regret? Or maybe the same feeling of emptiness that Sam feels in his chest?

"I'll get you some painkillers." Sam mumbles before stumbling into the kitchen.

If only there was a way to kill his own pain.

* * *

The cool water from the faucet feels like heaven to his dry mouth. Sam takes a moment to splash some of it on his face, too, to help him clear his mind. He opens the cupboard and takes a look at the package of pain medicine. There are still plenty. He grabs two pills for Higgs, hesitates, then takes another one for himself. He feels a headache coming up.

Sam has often found himself thinking about his sister. He loves her, he always will, and he could never blame her for what happened. Amelie never had a choice. It was her purpose, her destiny, to bring the sixth extinction. It still is. No, Amelie never had a choice. But Higgs had one.

What makes somebody choose death over life? Not only for himself but everybody else? Sam has never cared much about Higgs' motives. In his eyes Higgs was just another maniac, consumed by his greed for power. Just once, after a few beer, he had asked Fragile about the kind of person Higgs was before. She had hesitated and when she finally spoke up her voice had been quiet and thoughtful.

"He wasn't like that when I met him. The Porter I met was… he believed in something. He cared about others. He believed he could make a change. Promised me to fulfill my father's dream, to reconnect people. I mean… he was always kind of an asshole." At that point she had grinned, like she suddenly remembered something funny. "He was cocky and witty and stubborn, but... but he wasn't like _this_." And even though her eyes started to fill up with tears at this point, Fragile continued. "I don't regret it, Sam. The person I knew died a long time ago. Whoever was left on that beach… wasn't really Higgs. Not anymore."

"Hey, Sam? You're coming back or what?"

* * *

"Here." Sam places the water and the two pills in front of Higgs and proceeds to sit down on his armchair. Higgs takes a look at the pills, before he puts one into a pocket of his overall. Then he pops the second one into his mouth.

"To our new friendship." He gestures his glass into Sam's direction and then knocks it down in one go.

"Not to be ungrateful, Sammy, I love our little conversations. That means, me talking, and you barely listening. Truly warms my heart. But I could really use some shut eye. If you haven't changed your mind about letting me go, that is."

Sam hasn't. It's weird, insisting that Higgs stays here, even sleeps here, only a few feet away from him. But Sam knows that his conscience would bother him if he threw him out. After all, when Higgs had found Sam passed out between a bunch of BTs, he had not only dragged him to safety, but had also patiently waited for him to wake up.

Still… better safe than sorry, right? Before Sam closes his bedroom door he takes out his gun. He turns around and waves it in Higgs' direction. "Don't try anything."

Higgs, who currently fights to arrange the tube of his IV grins. "Goodnight, Sammy. Sleep tight." he says in his sweetest voice. Sam locks the bedroom door twice.

Falling asleep usually isn't a problem for Sam, who is used to enter dreamland as soon as his head hits the pillow. But as he lays in bed now his mind is racing. Carefully he listens to every sound, waits for footsteps or even just a quiet creak of a body getting up from the sofa. Minutes turn to hours as his mind paints a vivid picture of Higgs sneaking through his house, finding a weapon _(there's a decent butcher's knife in the kitchen. Shit, why didn't he lock that one away?_ ), getting ready to attack.

Finally Sam can't bare it anymore. Quietly he opens his bedroom door and peeks around the corner.

Higgs is fast asleep.

Completely knocked out. Not sneaking around, not even lying awake, plotting his next move, nothing. He has pulled his legs up to his body (the sofa is a little too short for him) and his breathing is slow and steady. He's either a very good actor - or really just fast asleep. Sam steps closer. 

It's weird to see his face relaxed for once, not angry or spiteful. It's been five years and life has moved on since. But how do you move on when you have said your farewells? How do you go on, living like that, a ghost to everyone you once knew? Without connections, you might was well be dead. Sam wonders if Higgs knows that he has nobody to care for. And nobody who cares for him. 

The beeping sound of the little machine tells Sam that the equipped blood bag has run dry. Sam quickly shuts it off.

Humanity doesn't need more walls. It needs bridges. It took Sam long enough to learn that. Maybe one day humanity will realize it, too. He connects a new blood bag to the tube before he sneaks back to bed. 

* * *

When he wakes up the next morning Higgs is gone.

He would use the term 'without a trace', if it wasn't for a little handwritten note that he finds on the coffee table.

_My dearest Sam Porter Bridges,_

_'the man who delivers, not only precious cargo, but also me to safety. What a hero! I shall be forever grateful for your service. Please let it be known that I deeply regret not being able to participate in what I'm sure would have been a exquisite breakfast at your lovely home. I would have loved to spend more time with you, dear Sam, but unfortunately time is money, as I'm sure you're aware. I beg your pardon for my hasty departure._

_I remain with the utmost gratitude and best regards,_

_Peter Englert._

_P.S. Thank you, Sam._

_P.P.S. very sorry about the blood stains. H._

Sam reads the note twice, before he tosses it into the garbage disposal. It's time to pick up Lou. Christine is probably already sick with worry.


End file.
